What Does My Partner Want In Bed But Won't Ask For?
Knowing your partner is important. Wanting to be the best lover they've ever had in every way is more important.
Many women say that they wouldn't change a thing in your relationship. Whereas others will try and communicate to you things they like and don't like.
But then there's the things that women crave for in bed, but either don't feel comfortable or have the courage to tell you directly.
Maybe she's hinting at it, and maybe you've missed all the hints. Or it could be even that it's just been so long that she's given up on the idea of elevating your relationship and experiencing new levels of pleasure.
But don't fret, the team at TCS Toys has surveyed and interviewed numerous women from across the world. And from the results we're going to tell you the main things that all women want, but won't ask you for.
While attempting any of these tricks, we recommend approaching them with an open-mind and not to take yourself too seriously. If you aren't enjoying yourself in the process, you probably won't get the results you expect.
Now, onto the list!
Table of Contents
- Your partner really wants to watch you do solo stuff. That's right, solo masturbation.
- Your partner wants to hear you moan.
- Remind her how beautiful you think she is, often.
- Teasing is one of the most powerful tools out there, use it to your advantage.
- ‘Don’t Stop’ and ‘I’m Gonna Cum’ does NOT mean: ‘Go Faster and Harder’.
- Whilst having sex, move upwards, not inwards.
- Communicating what feels good & Letting out your inner pervert.
- Just because the sex ends, doesn't mean that the affection has to end too.
- Closing Thoughts.
1. Your partner really wants to watch you do solo stuff.
That’s right, solo masturbation.
It might seem far fetched, but couldn’t be any closer to the truth. Think of it this way, the same reason you’d want to watch your partner masturbate, is the same reason your partner would want to watch you. Simple.
Whether it’s the small thrusts you make against the bed while you’re going down on her. Or instead, it’s her watching you ‘keep it alive’ while she quickly runs to the bathroom. There’s an insatiable desire in her mind that needs to be satisfied.
Your partner is curious. They want to know how you do it, the motions and techniques you use. They’re interested in how you look: does your body tense up, do you have an ‘O’ face- these are all the thoughts running through her mind and she furiously wants to satisfy this curiosity. It’s all a huge turn-on for her.
Don’t be surprised if she jumps in and lends a hand at some point. Also don’t be surprised if she’s been making notes and learning the best methods to please you, based on what you do to yourself.
You don’t necessarily have to jerk yourself off in front of her. Hell, get creative- hump a pillow, penetrate a piece of fruit if you’re feeling daring- the secret behind most sex-related things is this: Don’t take yourself too seriously. Make sure at all times, you’re enjoying yourself. Both of you.
"If it’s not something you’re used to, instead of focusing on how silly it feels for you- think about how good it feels for her to receive your validation."
— TCS Toys.
2. Your partner wants to hear you moan.
How else is she supposed to know she’s doing a good job? Don’t be afraid to give some positive feedback in the moment to show that you’re enjoying yourself.
This kind of thing really gets your woman going, as it’s validation that she's doing a great job and that you’re both having a good time.
Think about it, if you were going down on your partner, which would you prefer:
- Hearing the moans of ecstatic pleasure from your diligent tongue action
- A lifeless body making no sound whatsoever.
Of course it’s 1. Who wouldn’t want verbal confirmation that your tongue action is hitting all the right spots? It’s sexy as hell and makes for a more intense and pleasurable encounter.
This goes both ways.
You don’t need to go full opera mode- but at the same time you want to steer clear of being completely silent throughout.
Your partner can’t read your mind. If you like something, say it!
If it’s not something you’re used to, instead of focusing on how silly it feels for you- think about how good it feels for her to receive your validation.
3. Remind her how beautiful you think she is, often.
Not limited to the bedroom, but it’s important to remember that your partner craves your love and affection. If you’re not telling her she’s beautiful then who will?
She’s probably never mentioned this to you as it can be quite embarrassing asking someone to constantly call you beautiful.
Simple but powerful, something like this really has to be earnest and from the heart. Your partner deserves someone that builds them up and strengthens their self-esteem at every given opportunity.
This may not always result in sex, but that’s not important. Your girl will love you more than anything if you make her feel like the most beautiful person in your eyes- and truly mean it.
4. Teasing is one of the Most Powerful tools out there.
Use it to your Advantage.
Once in a while, take your time. Forgo the instant gratification that comes from instant penetration and instead, tease your partner.
And by teasing, we do not mean foreplay. This comes after foreplay, but before penetration.
Your partner will be soaking wet and ready for you to enter her, but you won’t. Instead, you make her want it even more by teasing her. Make her think you’re going to give it to her- but don’t.
Slip it in slightly, then slip it back out. Thrust deeply against her, but not inside her. The goal is to drive her wild in the best way possible until she’s literally begging you for it. This is a great position to be in.
The thing is, a lot of guys just get right to penetrating at the first moment they get a chance, instead of taking it slow and making her beg and plead for you. Dirty talk is your friend- saying things like "Is this what you wanted?" and then just railing her after making her wait what probably feels like an eternity, can do wonders.
5. ‘Don’t Stop’ and ‘I’m Gonna Cum’ does NOT mean:
‘Go Faster and Harder’
Picture this, you and your partner have been teasing each other all day and it’s finally time things reach boiling point. You produce some of the most profound foreplay you’ve had in months. She’s dripping wet; you enter her and engage in some of the most intense sex you’ve ever had with her. It comes to a point where your partner whispers in your ear ‘Don’t stop, I think I’m going to cum’.
The adrenaline kicks in at that point, and your instincts tell you to give her your everything. You offer her your bed strokes pumping harder and pumping faster- but you just can’t pin your finger on the sudden frustration and disappointment in her face once you changed things up.
I did everything right, right? WRONG. Never do this.
This is the most important on this list so please read take a moment to let this simmer.
If she tells you ‘Don’t Stop’: KEEP DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU’VE BEEN DOING. DON’T CHANGE ANYTHING. Seriously, don’t.
Your partner is communicating to you that what you’re doing is hitting the exact spot that she needs you to hit. Her words of affirmation are supposed to cement your movements until she gets to where she needs to go (an orgasm). It’s not your cue to stimulate another spot faster and more aggressively.
Just catch your breath, try not to get overwhelmed by her words, and just keep going steadily as you have been- and what your girlfriend or wife uncontrollably orgasm all from your actions.
This one tip will change your sex life forever.
6. Whilst Having Sex, Move Upwards, Not Inwards.
A lot of MF porn we see mostly involves thrusting inwards-and-outwards. Whether it’s fingering or literally any sex position you’ll see that the common theme is pumping, hard, in and out.
This has been accepted as the societal norm for sex and has generally become the expectation for men ready to get to action.
But what if I told you that porn mainly focuses on aesthetics for the viewer (you) and not actually on the pleasure of the female? Well, if you find that hard to believe, wait til I tell you that 90% of the women in professional porn are faking or hugely exaggerating what they’re feeling- again, purely to please the viewer (you).
We need to remind ourselves that pornstars are actors. And their work just happens to be having sex with each other. What you see them doing does not represent what feels good. It’s purely what looks good. Men emulating this in real life is the reason most women feel hugely disappointed in sex. Especially when there’s been a lot of anticipation and excitement leading up to it. This is why a lot of women go through life with the belief that it’s impossible for them to orgasm through penetration alone.
Find the g-spot.
The g-spot is a bundle of nerve cells located 1 or 2 inch above the vaginal opening on the front wall of the vagina. When your partner is aroused, enter with your hand and you should feel either a bump or a textured piece of skin. Just to clarify ‘front-wall’, imagine you entered your wife or girlfriends vagina, and tried to pull her towards you with only your finger. You’d be tugging against the front-wall.
This is your target spot. Moving in and out of your partner without stimulating the vaginal walls just isn’t that exciting for her. And pounding her cervix isn’t doing it for her either (believe it or not). Though it may feel good to her, to be frankly honest this will not get her to orgasm consistently- if at all.
Finger inwards and not upwards. You must be familiar with the ‘come hither’ motion. Make this motion your best friend and see how quickly your sex life changes.
How about sex?
Thrust upwards, thrust left and thrust right. But whatever you do, don’t just spear in and out of her. We’ll follow up with a new blog on this but it’s important to know the difference between your hips and your sacrum. Once you master sacrum control you’re on the path to mastering sex.
This will all take time to perfect. While you’re building up to this, it may be a good idea to supplement your sex sessions, with a Clit Sucker Toy. They are the most effective toy to date that help women achieve clitoral orgasms. If you’d like to play even more of an active role, we suggest a vibrating cock ring with a clit sucker attachment. This without fail gets the job done and will be great fun for you both.
One last point, once you find the spot and she tells you you’ve found it. Do not change your rhythm. Just keep working steadily and consistently- you’ll be amazed at the results.
7. Communicating What Feels Good
& Letting Out Your Inner Pervert
You already know that communication is key, and this also ties into the section about ‘moaning’, but if something feels good, make it known!
A simple grunt or moan when your partner is doing something right will make her wetter than Bikini Bottom. Why? Because your partner gets off on making you feel good. Knowing that she’s the cause of your sexual euphoria is one of biggest turn-ons. And the only way for her to know? You guessed it, make some noise!
And what if the technique isn’t quite there? Tell your partner HOW to get you to cum-town.
Whether it’s more saliva, or not enough; less speed, more rhythm whilst riding you- the only way your woman is going to know this is by telling her. If you don’t then your girl will end up laying there like a beanbag letting you just do your thing- hoping that’s what you want. Nobody wants that, not you, or your partner.
Through our survey of London-based women, 72% of females over 30 said that once women reach their late twenties and onwards, they’re ready to let go of all their inhibitions- and for lack a better term- let their freaky side loose.
That means more wetness, breathlessness, arcane moans- hell, even being woken up in the middle of the night for some late night action (make sure it’s not a work night). Your woman wants to be your sexual emperess- but it’s your job to let her know how. Imagine hopping in an uber and telling the driver to just ‘drive’. You always need a destination.
So go crazy, set your inner pervert free and I promise you it’ll only end well. As we age, we learn that being is a virtue, not a vice. A nice starting point for exploration is welcoming a toy into the bedroom. Check out most recent post on how to introduce sex toys into your relationship. It’ll definitely help out the process.
8. Just because the sex ends,
does't mean that the affection has to end too.
Intimacy doesn’t have to end once the sex does. A customer survey showed that 86% of US-based women enjoy some type of physical affection after sex. What this tells us is that for women, intercourse is not the endpoint.
Think of lovemaking as a continuous cycle throughout your life. From intimacy, to foreplay, to intercourse and back to intimacy. Play the long game. Intercept your post-nut clarity by giving your partner a kiss, a hug and telling her how amazing she was. Lay holding her for at least a few minutes. It’s the little things that make the biggest difference. And this small trick will do wonders for her libido and desire for you in the future.
Nobody wants to feel used, or unwanted. Although this probably isn’t your intention, it’s important to be mindful that your partner may not see it this way.
We hope you've found some value in this articles, and that by putting some of this into practice, you'll be able to blow your partner away and transform your sex life forever.
To summarise, it's so important to be present in the moment with your partner. Don't fantasize about something else or let your mind drift elsewhere- she can tell.
Approach your love-making with an open-mind, but more than anything- make sure you're both having fun in the process.
Communication and affection is key to any relationship. But in order for this to work, it needs to be reciprocal. Don't be afraid to tell your woman how you feel, also don't be afraid to tell her how good she makes you feel.